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If the grass looks greener on the other side… Stop staring. Stop comparing. Stop complaining. And START watering the grass you’re standing on… Truly, the most powerful weapon against stress on the average day is our ability to choose one thought or response over another. The peace and happiness of your life in the long run heavily depends on the quality of your daily thoughts and responses. Optimism is your choice today. It’s not an inborn trait bestowed on a lucky few — it’s a skill that can be learned and honed. Optimists make optimal use of the available options. Most people get irritated by those who seem “too optimistic,” but this is often just an unfortunate misinterpretation of the difference between an optimist and an idealist. An optimist is really just a positive realist who is neither naive, nor in denial, nor blind to the realities of life. An optimist believes in the optimal usage of all the available options no matter how narrow the supply. As a result, optimistic people are able to better see the bigger picture. They can more accurately visualize and mange the present possibilities. For comparison’s sake: An idealist focuses only on the absolute best aspects of situations, a pessimist sees no positive possibilities at all, and an optimist strives to see all the possibilities so they can find the best possible option among them. So when picking lemons off a lemon tree, an idealist reaches for the ripest looking lemon and expects it to be the tastiest, a pessimist settles for whichever one is closest, while an optimist picks all the lemons in sight and makes lemonade. Optimists give themselves grace and acceptance. As a child you impressed and inspired yourself on a daily basis. You ran, jumped, swung, sang, and danced openly without a care in the world — without worrying about what everyone else thought of you. You didn’t need anyone else’s constant approval, because deep down you knew you were amazing. But as you grew into adulthood the pressure from peers, popular media, and society as a whole began to wear on you. You started comparing yourself to everyone around you. You judged and measured your body, your lifestyle, your career, and your relationships against other people’s lives. And when you realized that many of these people have things that you do not, bitterness set in and you gradually stopped appreciating all the great things you do have in your life. Optimists defend themselves against this self-dislike in two primary ways. First, they get back to trusting their own intuition when it comes to their daily activities. They stop asking for everyone's approval and simply do what they know in their heart feels right. Second, optimists don’t judge themselves against a set of unrealistic, third-party ideals. They let go of the ideals and instead hold on to the belief that they are always good enough just the way they are, even as they grow into stronger, wiser versions of themselves. Optimists disconnect happiness from long-term achievement. In order to be optimistic you have to be generally content with your life. In order to find this contentment, you have to look within yourself. Happiness after all is mostly an inside job. If you constantly look for happiness outside yourself, by tying it to a specific achievement you must reach for example, you have two big problems: You may never succeed. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and absolutely needs to be fixed ASAP, but you continuously fall short of fixing it, you will start yourself on a downward spiral where every time you fail to fix it you feel even worse. Eventually you will be unable to succeed simply because you no longer believe in your ability to do so. You may succeed and decide you want even more. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and absolutely needs to be fixed, and you succeed at fixing it, you will likely find something new about yourself that needs fixing too. Maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, but now you want tighter abs. Maybe you’ve paid down your debt, but now you want a bank account with a million dollars in it. You get the idea. It’s a never-ending cycle for your entire life. You never reach it, because you’re always looking for happiness from external achievements. You don’t find the happiness from within so you look to other sources. Optimists set boundaries and disconnect long-term achievement from daily happiness — they give themselves permission to enjoy each moment without the need for anything more. This isn’t to say that they are complacent. They still set goals, build habits, help others, and grow, but they learn to indulge joyously in the journey, not the destination. Optimists keep good company, and become good company. In the long run you are only as good as the company you keep, and misery loves company. So do yourself a favor and dodge other people’s negativity as often as you can. Remember that optimism is a learned habit and it is positively contagious. Surround yourself with positive, emotionally supportive friends and family — people who could infect you with their optimism, so you can then pay it forward… How can you pay it forward? Be kind and positive right now, right here, in your own life, in whatever way you can. Just be kind and positive. There’s so much going on that we cannot solve — so many people we can’t help. But your kindness and optimism can make a significant difference, in your own life above all, and in the lives you touch. Optimists embrace life’s ups and downs. Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days. You will have plenty of bad days, that’s reality. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion. Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down. However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs. Bottom line: Prepare for the downs but capitalize on the ups; the former makes you sensible and the latter makes you an optimist. Optimists use positive language and gestures. It’s not always what happens that determines your mood, but how you express what happens that counts. For instance, when an optimist experiences a bout of success they might say, “That’s just as I had anticipated; I studied hard and my diligence paid off,” while a pessimist might say, “Wow, was I lucky to get such a good grade on that test,” not giving themselves any credit and literally snatching her own defeat from the hands of victory. If an optimist encounters a do-it-yourself project that they can’t figure out, they're likely to say something like, “Either the instructions I’m following are unclear, or this project is going to require a bit more effort than I thought… or maybe I’m just having a rough moment here.” In other words, an optimist uses positive self-talk to keep the struggle outside themselves (“the instructions”), specific (“more effort”), and temporary (“a rough moment”), while the pessimist would likely get down on themselves and interpret the same struggle as internal, widespread, and everlasting. Go ahead and follow in the optimist’s footsteps by speaking to yourself in a more positive way regardless of whether you succeed or fail, and you’ll gradually become more optimistic. Physical body language is also important. Your smile actually influences your mood in a positive way. When you feel down, your brain tells your face that you’re sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a frown, which in turn conveys a message back to your brain that says, “Yep, we’re feeling unhappy.” On the average day (when nothing extreme is happening) you can flip the switch on this internal reaction by adjusting your facial muscles into a smile so they don’t correspond to what you’re feeling. This is a clever way of sending a different message back to your brain: “Hey, life is still pretty good and I’m doing OK.” And you’ll actually begin to feel a little better, gradually. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. Change nothing and expect different results. There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Take this to heart. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Oftentimes the only difference between a successful person and a person who makes little progress is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage that one has to bet on their ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take steady steps forward. Truly, some people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work. 2. Keep waiting and waiting for the right time. Even when we have productive intentions, too many of us waste so much of our time waiting for ideal paths to appear. But they never do of course, because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. So stop waiting today… Think of today as the beginning — the conception of a new life. The next nine months are all yours. You can do with them as you please. Make them count! Because a new person is born in nine months. The only question is: Who do you want that person to be? Now is the time to decide. And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence and fuels your inner and outer growth. 3. Believe good things come easy. A goal is a point of achievement that requires effort and sacrifice. There are no esteemed goals worth participating in that don’t require some level of effort and sacrifice. Decades from now when you’re getting closer to the end, you will not remember the days that were easy, you will cherish the moments when you rose above your difficulties and conquered challenges of magnitude. You will dream of the strength you found within yourself that allowed you to achieve what once seemed impossible. So don’t just do what’s easy today, do what you’re capable of. Astound yourself with your own abilities. And as you struggle forward, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from little bits of effort and learning than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger and more experienced in the long run. 4. Refuse to accept necessary risks. Living is about learning as you go. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. To not get out of bed, clutching to illusions of safety, is to die slowly without ever having truly lived… Think about it. If you ignore your instincts and let shallow feelings of uncertainty constantly stop you, you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this un-knowing will be worse than finding out your instincts were wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life, without always looking back and wondering what might have been. 5. Make the rejections of yesterday the focal point of today. Be okay with walking away when the time comes. Rejection teaches us how to reject what’s not right for our well-being. It won’t always be easy, but some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated person or isolated circumstance once told us was true. Of course, this old rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough — it means the other person or circumstance failed to align with what we had to offer at the time. It means we have more time now to improve our thing, to build upon our ideas, to perfect our craft, and to indulge deeper into the work that moves us. And that’s exactly what you need to do, starting now. 6. Refuse to take responsibility. You aren’t responsible for everything that happened to you, but you need to be responsible for undoing the thinking and behavioral patterns these outcomes created within you. Blaming the past for a limiting mindset today doesn’t fix it. Change your response to what you remember, and step forward again with grace. A combination of your decisions and external factors for which you had no control brought you to where you are today. Negatively blaming someone else, or some past circumstance, will change nothing. Positively taking full responsibility for the next step on your path forward can change everything. Leave the unchangeable past behind you as you diligently give yourself to the present moment. In this moment is every possibility you seek. Take responsibility for it, and bring these possibilities to life. 7. Close your mind to new ideas and perspectives. Remember that success in life does not depend on always being right. To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. Even as you grow wiser with age, you must remind yourself that an understanding is never absolutely final. What’s currently right could easily be wrong later. Thus, the most destructive illusion is a settled point of view. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. 8. Let a few negative people continuously distract you. Your mind is your private sanctuary; do not allow the negative beliefs of others to occupy it. Your skin is your barrier; do not allow others to get under it. Take good care of your personal boundaries and what you allow yourself to absorb from others. Of course, there will inevitably be a few people in your life who will be critical of you regardless of what you do or how well you do it. If you say you want to be a dancer, they will discredit your taste in music. If you say you want to build a new business, they will give you a dozen reasons why it might not work. They somehow assume you don’t have what it takes, but they are dead wrong! Let that sink in… It’s a lot easier to be negative than positive — a lot easier to be critical than correct. When you’re embarking on a new venture, instead of listening to the few critics that will try to distract you, spend time talking to one of the hundreds of people in this world who are willing to support your efforts and acknowledge your potential, respectfully. 9. Hold tight to something that’s not real. Remind yourself right now that not everything is meant to be. Sometimes you have to track the data, review the data, and seriously sit down with yourself and come to grips with the fact that you were wrong about it all along. It was just an illusion that never really was what you thought it was. It’s one of the most difficult realizations to accept, to realize that you feel a sense of loss, even though you never really had what you thought you had in the first place. The key is knowing this, learning from it, letting go, and taking the next step forward. 10. Maintain rigid expectations every step of the way. Simple things become complicated when you expect too much. Rigid expectations truly are a root cause of heartache. Don’t let them get the best of you. Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for personal growth, depending on what you choose to do with it. So start by choosing to let go of the expectations that aren’t serving you. A mistake doesn’t hurt, expectation does. A rejection doesn’t hurt, expectation does. And so it goes… Remember, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you, and you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. So don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your rigid expectations in life is the best way to avoid being disappointed by everyone and everything you encounter. One of the most important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything… An Exercise for Saving Time & Building Better Habits If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU. Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then: Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?) Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?) Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?) Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?) _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

You don’t need to justify anything. You don’t need to change just so someone will like you. Be your best self and the right ones will love the real you. Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to walk alone and pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do. Will the people in your life always support your decisions? No they likely won’t. But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself — it’s about creating yourself. So make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours. And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this quick reference list of life choices you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else: 1. Choosing to put yourself first. During a television interview back when she was the First Lady, Michelle Obama was asked if she thought it was at all selfish that she openly admits to making herself her first priority. The First Lady smiled and replied, “No, not at all. It’s practical… a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for my children is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.” Like her or not, that’s spot on advice if you ask me! There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s. 2. Choosing to embrace your emotions. Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. There’s no reason to be ashamed of feeling something or expressing it if it’s real to you. Showing your emotions is characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being, and yet it’s too often perceived as a sign of being weak or broken. Truly, it’s not the emotionally sensitive person who is broken, it’s society’s understanding that is oftentimes dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. Truly, there is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world! 3. Choosing to own your weirdness. We are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not. Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. So where’s your will to be weird? Where’s your resolution to be real? Celebrate your individuality and do not be embarrassed of it. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it. Own it! 4. Choosing to be unapologetically YOU. We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves. It’s about finding the courage to be imperfectly yourself. When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Don’t do this to yourself. Let go of that subconscious pull to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be exactly who you are today. No apologies required. 5. Choosing to let go and not take things personally. You may not be able control all the rude things people say and do, but you can decide not to be controlled by them. Make that decision for yourself. There is great freedom in leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take things less personally. Of course, some people may tell you it’s best to stand up tall for yourself and fight back hard, but the best offense is usually a good defense. Defend yourself from others by not putting yourself at the center of their inner conflicts. Truth be told, if you take everything personally, you will remain offended for the rest of your life. What other people do is mostly because of them, not you. 6. Choosing to forgive others. Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim. For the most part, grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something. Forgiveness on the other hand is for those who are wise enough to focus on what they can control in the present. In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, setting healthy boundaries, and lifting your spirit with positive steps forward. 7. Choosing to spend more time with the people you love. Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work and to-dos will be your biggest concerns. What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister or brother, and one last laugh with your best friend. The bottom line is that life is too short to be too busy for the people you love. 8. Choosing to go at your own pace. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. In fact, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were in their late 30’s. One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s. The lesson here is simple: Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen — they happen when the time and conditions are right. So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married right now, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same way. 9. Choosing to fail forward. In those moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before — one bearing a lesson you were sure you’d already learned — remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is required to evolve and grow. And repetition allows you to fail forward. We learn the right way on the way. Truly, failures are opportunities to begin again smarter than before. If you’ve heard differently, forget what others have told you. Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat. Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow. Rest easy and get ready. Don’t waste your energy justifying your next step to the naysayers. 10. Choosing to forgive yourself for past errors in judgment or immaturity. I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I’ve done in my life. But I am who I am. And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way. The same is true for you. Don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today. Forgive yourself for those times when you lacked clarity, for those foolish decisions you made that caused needless stress. Forgive yourself for being human, young, and reckless. Your journey has many vital lessons. And what matters most now is your willingness to grow from them. 11. Choosing to dress comfortably, and owning it. “Whenever I leave the house looking anything less than airbrushed and fashionable and then run into someone I know, I tend to feel the need to apologize for not looking a certain way.” That’s ludicrous! You don’t have to apologize to everyone for not looking a certain way. You could apologize to yourself though, for feeling like you had to in the first place. 12. Choosing healthy eating habits. Too often our culture associates healthy eating habits with fad diets and weight loss marketing schemes. But there’s also something called healthy eating as a means to actual good health, not weight loss, not some crazy diet, or anything else. Why do we need to stand up for ourselves when we choose to eat healthy? Because for some reason some people tend to be skeptical that a person would actually just want to treat their body right and not be perpetually concerned with their shape and size. Eat healthy because it’s good for your health. Ignore the critics! 13. Choosing to work extra hard on your goals and dreams. When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of well-meaning and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart. Find your inner voice and let it sing. In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.” And while all of this is fine and dandy, the big problem is a lot of people dream and dream… and that’s all they do. Don’t be one of them! It’s always easier said than done, yet you need to do some hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and move you forward. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty dreams and a life filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come. 14. Choosing to be positive through your challenges. Positivity does not mean ignoring the negativity around you, it means overcoming the negativity within you. There is a big difference between the two. The peace, happiness, and effectiveness of your life greatly depends on the quality of your thoughts. Of course, not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day. Do your best to notice it. None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way. The secret is to find some goodness on the daily journey. Making the best of each step you take is the smartest choice. Your positivity will gradually help you realize that many of the inconvenient things that happen in your life are on the same path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. 15. Choosing to give yourself hope. They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I couldn’t agree more. We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too. And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right for you. 16. Choosing to feel completely justified already, without anyone else’s approval. You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now. You have nothing to justify. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. You will have fewer heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the justification only YOU can give yourself. Bottom line: Constantly trying to justify yourself to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live… you merely exist. Do more than exist! We all exist. The question is: How do you want to live today? Now, it’s your turn… Yes, it’s your turn to get out there and live today! (No justifications needed.) _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

“If only…”  These two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language. Here are ten life choices that ultimately lead to that phrase of regret, and how to elude them on the average day: 1. Wearing a mask to impress others. If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people.  Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections. 2. Letting someone else create your dreams for you. The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own goals and dreams. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good. It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing the right thing. 3. Keeping negative company. Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. They can’t philosophically pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the ammo. When you remember that keeping the constant company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety. 4. Being selfish and egotistical. A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts, not stone. What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains. 5. Avoiding change and growth. If you want to know your past look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future look into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for lasting success. 6. Giving up when the going gets tough. There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph. 7. Trying to micromanage every little thing. Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without needless worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots. 8. Settling for less than you deserve. Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle. 9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t. 10. Being lazy and wishy-washy. The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. As they say, develop a backbone not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life – take control your next step. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU. Afterthoughts on Letting Go of Regrets The points above are crucial reminders, but what if you already have regrets you’re struggling with? No doubt, feelings of regret sometimes sneak up on us. Oftentimes we regret things simply because we worry that we should have made different decisions in the past. We should have done a better job, but didn’t. We should have given a relationship another chance, but didn’t. We should have started that business, but didn’t… We compare the real outcomes of our past decisions to an ideal fantasy of how things “should” be. The problem, of course, is that we can’t change those decisions because we can’t change the past. Yet we resist this reality subconsciously — we keep overanalyzing and comparing the unchangeable reality to our ideal fantasy until we’ve wasted lots of time and energy. But why? If we logically know better, why can’t we just let all our ideals and fantasies GO? Because we identify personally with these ideals and fantasies. We all have this vision in our minds of who we are — our well-meaning intentions, our intelligence, our social impact, etc. And we make the best decisions we can of course because, again, we generally mean well. Even if you struggle with deep-seeded self-esteem issues, you probably still identify with yourself as being a decent and respectful human being. And so when someone says something about us that contradicts the vision of ourselves that we identify with — they insult our intentions, our intelligence, our status, etc. — we take offense. We feel personally attacked, and we have a hard time letting it go. Something very similar happens when we believe we did something — made a mistake — that contradicts the same vision of ourselves that we identify with. We take offense! In some cases we implode on ourselves — we berate ourselves for making the mistake: “How could I have done this?” we think. “Why couldn’t I have been smarter and made a better decision?” And again, we have a hard time letting it go — we have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that we aren’t always as good as the vision we have of ourselves. So in a nutshell, our ideals and fantasies about ourselves tend to cause us lots of misery. The key is to gradually practice letting go of these ideals and fantasies, and focus instead on making the best of reality. The truth must be embraced… Every bad decision we made in the past is done — none of them can be changed. And in fact there’s some good in every one of those bad decisions too, if we choose to see it. Just being able to make a decision at all is a gift, as is being able to wake up in the morning, and being able to learn and grow from our wide-ranging life experiences. We are not actually what we envision ourselves to be, at least not always. We are human and therefore we are multi-layered and imperfect. We do good things, we make mistakes, we give back, we are selfish, we are honest, and we tell white lies sometimes. Even when we are doing our absolute best, we are prone to slip. And once we embrace this and get comfortable with our humanness, making a bad decision tends to conflict a lot less with our new, more flexible (and accurate) vision of ourselves. Now, it’s your turn… One day you will find yourself close to the end, thinking about the beginning. TODAY is that beginning! TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life. I challenge you to put the principles above to good use. Motivate yourself to START NOW by answering a simple question: What’s one thing YOU CAN choose to do today that you will NOT regret? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Starting today, don't hold yourself down with things you can't control. Instead, control how you respond. In your response is your greatest power in the long run. “If you want to control the animals, give them a bigger pasture.” If you have a pasture full of animals and they’re all acting rowdy, can you really expect yourself to be able to control them? No. What you can do is give them a larger pasture. Let them roam. Let them graze and wander. By giving them some extra space, you’ll see that relinquishing control can be freeing, and can even give you a new perspective on what’s really important. This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter—the things you actually can control, like your attitude about everything. This form of letting go is not giving up. It’s about surrendering any obsessive attachments to specific people, outcomes, and situations. It means showing up every day in your life with the intention to be your best self, without expecting life to go a certain way. Have goals and dreams, take purposeful action, and build great relationships, but detach from what you think every aspect of your life “must” look like in order to be "good enough" for you. This is the subtle art of letting go. And it starts with your thinking.

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? Think about it... That’s the power of daily rituals. Now, it’s time remind yourself about YOUR rituals—the little things you do every single day. Because these little things define you. All the results in your life come from these little things. Regardless of your unique life circumstances, or how you personally define success, you don’t suddenly become successful. You become successful over time based on your rituals. Failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail… You keep failing to check the books. You keep failing to make the calls. You keep failing to listen to your customers. You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done… Then one day you wake up and your business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis—your rituals—not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event. Think about how this relates to your life. Your life is your “business!” And your rituals make or break you, gradually. So, how have you been managing your rituals, and thus your life? Are the little things you’re doing every day working for you or against you? If you think the answer might be the latter, you will find incredible value in this tiny daily ritual: Wash your dishes. Yes, I literally mean washing your dishes. It’s just one small step forward: When you eat your oatmeal, wash your bowl and spoon. When you finish drinking your morning coffee, rinse the coffee pot and your mug. Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter for later. Wash them immediately. Form this tiny ritual one dish at a time, one day at a time. Once you do this consistently for a couple weeks, you can start making sure the sink has been wiped clean too. Then the counter. Then put your clothes where they belong when you take them off. Then start doing a few sit-ups every morning. Eat a few vegetables for dinner. And so forth. Do one of these at a time, and you’ll start to build a healthy ritual of practicing self-discipline, and finally know yourself to be capable of doing the little things that must be done… and finishing what you start. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Once upon a time, a father guided his daughter into their home's garage and said, "You just graduated and I want to give you something special. This is a car I bought a long time ago, and it's very special to me. But before I give it to you, I want you to take it to a car dealer in the city and see how much money they'd offer you for it as a trade-in." The daughter came back to her father a few hours later and said, "They offered $1,000 because the car looks really old and can't easily be sold in their showroom." The father replied, "Hold on to it until tomorrow and take it to the used car dealer near your apartment when you get a chance." The daughter returned to her father the next afternoon and said: "They only offered $500 because it's a really old car, and it needs a new paint job and some other mechanical work the sales guy said." The father smiled and then asked his daughter to take a short drive with him in the car, to show the car to a passionate automobile club he used to belong to when he was younger. When they arrived at the automobile club's weekly meet-up, two people in the club immediately offered the daughter competing bids of $75,000 and then $80,000 in cash. Because, as one of the club members told her, "It's an extremely rare car that is in good condition for it's age, and super difficult to find in working order." Then the father turned to his daughter and said, "I just wanted to let you know that you are not worth anything if you do not know your own worth, and if you are not in the right place. So whenever you are feeling unappreciated for a prolonged time, do not be angry; that simply means you are in the wrong place. Don't stay in a place or situation where no one sees your value. And most importantly, don't stay in a place or situation that prevents you from seeing your own value." Let this story sink in, and keep reminding yourself... 1. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go and move on to a better place. 2. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. 3. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you. 4. Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive and full of present potential. 5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. 6. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness or ignorance change the person you are. 7. Spend more time with those who see your worth, and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress... And whatever you do, don't wait around too long for things to change. New paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel any more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds your confidence. So are you ready to take the next step? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. Talk like you are blessed. Walk like you are blessed. Think like you are blessed. Work like you are blessed. And you will be. 2. It's often our own thinking that hurts us the most. There's no reason to imprison yourself. Don't think outside the box. Think like there is no box. 3. Letting go isn't forgetting, it’s remembering without fear. It's stepping forward with a present mind and a lesson learned. 4. Our character is often most evident at our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, strong in the valleys, and faithful in between. 5. It's funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn't live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn't even know we wanted. Embrace life's gradual evolution... _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

A DREAM written down with a date becomes a GOAL. A GOAL broken down into steps becomes a PLAN. A PLAN backed by ACTION becomes REALITY. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Life is the most difficult exam Many people fail because they try to copy others, not realizing that everyone has a different test paper. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both the sun and the rain for a flower to grow.

The older we grow, and the more real-world tragedies and challenges we witness, the more we realize how incredibly blessed we are, and how frequently the fantasies in our heads hold us back from these blessings. In fact, you’ve likely fantasized your way into headaches and heartaches hundreds of times in the past. We all do this to a greater or lesser extent . . . We stress ourselves out, because of fantasies. We procrastinate to the point of failure, because of fantasies. We get angry with others, with ourselves, and with the world at large, because of fantasies. We miss out on many of life’s most beautiful and peaceful moments, because of fantasies. Let’s look at some common examples… When we wake up and immediately start fantasizing and worrying about all the things we have to do, we aren’t really doing anything but adding stress to an otherwise pleasant morning. When we fear the potential of failure, and we procrastinate in response to our fear, our fearful fantasies force us to miss great opportunities for success. When someone upsets us, this is often because they aren’t behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave. The frustration, then, stems not from their behavior but from how their behavior differs from our fantasy. When we think about making a healthy change in our lives, like getting in shape, we are initially inspired by the fantasy of how easy it will be, but that’s not reality. So when the reality of working hard to exercise and eat right surfaces, and it doesn’t match up with our inspiring fantasy, we give up. When we’re having a conversation with someone, we’re distracted with fantasies of how this person views us, or we’re distracted by our propensity to fantasize about how to respond before they even finish talking, and thus the conversation is unnecessarily draining When we move through our days, our minds are stuck fantasizing about other times and places—or other possibilities—and so we miss the pleasant surprises and simple pleasures surrounding us. And the list goes on and on . . . Of course, sometimes we get out of our own heads long enough to focus on the present, accept it, and make the best of it, but it’s NOT often enough. Which is why it’s time for a change! To get yourself out of this mess, you need to literally rewire your brain and replace negative, fantasy-driven mindsets with positive, productive ones. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t have what it takes,” you must start saying, “I think I can figure this out!” And by doing so, you’ll stop saying, “I’m not ready yet,” and you’ll start taking action because the new mindset is something along the lines of “I am ready to learn and grow!” Bottom line: If you’ve caught yourself stuck with similar fantasies and negative thought patterns like the ones discussed above, you need to take action ASAP. The longer you let these little demons linger around, the harder it is to get rid of them. And since the New Year is just around the corner, which inspires many of us to refocus our energy and attention on the right things, I think it’s a perfect time right now to start letting them go. So today, I challenge you to this: Before the New Year . . . Let go of the fantasies you have about all the distractions in your life. – If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your habits. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus on what matters. Let go of the fantasy that everyone else knows what’s best for you. – Too many of us listen to the noise of the world and get lost in the crowd. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t read every gossip column . . . don’t check the news five times a day. Find the strength to fill your time with meaningful experiences. The space and time you are occupying at any given moment is LIFE, and if you’re worrying about the Kardashians or Lebron James or some other famous face, then you are disempowered. You’re giving your life away to marketing and media hocus-pocus, which is created by big companies to ultimately motivate you to want to look and behave a certain way. It’s all just a distraction from what is real and good. What is real and good is YOU and your friends and your family, your loves, your highs, your hopes, and your dreams. You know this already! Listen to what your heart is telling you! Let go of the fantasy that your anger and frustration is someone else’s fault. – The ultimate measure of your wisdom and strength is how calm you are when facing any given situation. Calmness is indeed a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which instantly gives you the upper hand. Let go of the fantasy that your biggest obstacle is outside yourself. – The biggest and most complex obstacle you will ever have to overcome is your mind. Truly, if you can overcome that, you can overcome anything. And by “overcoming,” I’m referring to the skill of mindfulness, and learning to effectively control your emotional responses to life’s unexpected challenges. Because most of our deepest pain comes from the way we respond, not the way life is. Let go of the fantasy that life shouldn’t be so hard. – It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one big, challenging circumstance and then underestimate the value of making better daily decisions based on what that circumstance has taught you. The truth is, you need things to be challenging—you need things to be hard! Your mind and body need to be exercised to gain strength. They need to be worked consistently. Because if you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of little ways over time—if you always avoid dealing with and working through the hard things—of course you’ll crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected. Let go of the fantasy that the risks are too great. – I have met hundreds of interesting, intelligent people searching for something new—a new relationship opportunity, a new income opportunity, etc. Yet oftentimes when these people have their ideal opportunity sitting right in front of them, they take zero action. They refuse to step up and pursue what they truly want because, deep down, they fear pain—rejection, failure, etc. So, they subconsciously and heartbreakingly trade comfort and self-preservation for lifelong misery. Don’t do this to yourself! Let go of the fantasy that you need permission to move forward with your life. – No one is going to give you the permission you need. Don’t wait to be chosen or blessed by someone else. The chosen and blessed ones choose and bless themselves, with heart-centered focus and consistent action. Your life is YOUR choice! Know this, choose wisely, and take action. Let go of the fantasy that you should feel more confident first. – Seriously, stop believing that you should feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence. Meditate of that for a moment, and then force yourself forward. You don’t need to have it all mapped out. You don’t need to feel “ready.” You just need to get started—to make “starting” a daily ritual. Do so—learn to start every day before you feel ready—and I promise you will learn how to succeed, step by step, before you even realize that you’re good enough. Let go of the fantasy that you need more, more, more . . . of everything. – Simplify wherever and whenever possible. Clear the clutter in your physical and mental space. Instead of figuring out how to make ends meet, work on having fewer ends. Don’t sell your sanity to the impulse of acquiring things—more distractions—you don’t need in your life. Learn to say “no!” When you simplify and live comfortably below your means, mentally and physically, you ultimately enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles and schedules can’t even fathom. Let go of the fantasy that what you know now will always be true. – Warren Buffett once said, “What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” This is a tragedy, this kind of thinking. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t just look for data that confirms what you already know. Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to learn. Be mindful, humble and teachable. There’s always room for a new idea, a new step, a new perspective . . . a new beginning. Life changes every second, and so can you. Cheers to a new beginning… Undoubtedly, the days, weeks and months ahead—both before and after the New Year—will be filled with incredible highs and stressful lows, for all of us. But in any case, we can train our minds to make the best of the present moment as it unfolds. Letting go of the fantasies covered above is one of the simplest and most powerful starting points for doing this. And if you’re struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives and relationships on track. It’s your turn… What’s the #1 thing YOU need to let go of before the New Year? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Am I reflecting upon all my blessings? Am I employing a positive attitude? Am I living true to myself and my values? Am I putting enough effort into my relationships? Am I taking care of my physical well-being? Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out? Am I clear about my priorities in life? Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself? What should I do differently in 2023? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Procrastination is the assumption that God owes you another opportunity to do what you had time to do. Make the most of your time... _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And when the answer has been ‘NO’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Today, be grateful. Be grateful for your favorite music, for movies that make you feel good, for your phone that connects you with people, for your computer, and for the electricity that lights up your life. Be grateful for air travel that flies you everywhere. Be grateful for the roads and traffic lights that keep the traffic in order. Be grateful to those who built our bridges. Be grateful for your pet, for your child, for your loved ones, for your eyes that enable you to read this. Be grateful for your imagination. Be grateful that you can think. Be grateful that you can speak. Be grateful that you can laugh and smile. Be grateful that you can breathe. Be grateful that you are alive! Be grateful that you are You! Be grateful that there are two words that can change your life: Thank you! _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is. LIVE your life TODAY! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take action. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive. Be bold. Be courageous. Be scared to death, and then take the next step anyway. Your life is ultimately yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense. In the end, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t. Be productive and patient. And realize that patience is not about waiting; it's the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. This is your life, and you have choices! May your actions speak louder than your words. May your life preach louder than your lips. May your success be your noise in the end... _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. You do NOT need all the things. — In fact, they say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I don’t think anything could be closer to the truth, and yet all too often we find ways of complicating things for ourselves. We look for happiness where it does not exist – in shallow goals and desires – in possessions, quick thrills, and impressing the wrong people. 2. You do NOT need an easy fix. — You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The little things no one else is doing. The little things that frighten you. The little things others can’t do for you. The little things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Because those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living – between knowing the path and walking the path – between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and success. 3. You do NOT need to be "better" than others. — The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center – when we think everyone is our competition – when we think we have to be richer, smarter, and more attractive than the person sitting next to us. Such a goal just keeps a person alienated and tirelessly running in place. Now on the flip-side, take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or smarter, or more attractive, who has not the slightest interest even in being better than anyone else: they are free. Bottom line: Compete only with yourself... How many times have you thought “this isn’t working” or “something is not right” or “things have to change”? — those thoughts and words are from your inner voice. It's your wake-up call calling. You don't need more stress or a major crisis to wake up. And no one needs to tell you because you already know. Your inner voice has been trying to tell you. Getting your wake-up call is not the hard part, answering the call is. Choosing to answer the call instead of ignoring it is hard. Right now, it may feel easier to keep going, and going, and going gradually in the wrong direction. But you know if you don’t find a way out of the endless cycle you’re in, it’s going to get worse. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. Less nonsense — As time passes, life educates and humbles us. We gradually realize how much nonsense we have wasted our energy and resources on. And we begin to understand what it means to let go. 2. Heightened present awareness — If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. The key is to let go and be present. Don’t wish away your whole day today waiting for better ones ahead. Just appreciate where you are. You've come a long way to get here, and you're still learning and growing. 3. Extra sanity — Some people just aren’t ready to understand, and it’s not your job to rush them, change them, or teach them today. Prioritize your sanity. Remember, learning to let go of certain expectations, and detach from certain people for a while, are two of the core paths to inner peace. 4. A deeper sense of self-worth — Sometimes we let go, not because we suddenly need others to realize and acknowledge our worth, but because we have gradually learned to realize and acknowledge our own worth. 5. Inner calmness — Once you begin to value your inner peace over your need to hold on, engage, react, or be right, you will in fact begin to feel more centered and calmer. 6. More freedom — Nothing is permanent. When you understand this, you can do almost anything you wish because you're not trying to hold onto anything anymore. Let this sink in. It’s all about accepting what is, letting go of what was, and having faith in your journey... Think about how these points relate to your life right now. Letting go isn’t about having the ability and courage to release control—it’s about having the wisdom and strength to embrace the present reality. In many ways, it's about gaining faith... Yes, a big part of practicing letting go is gradually renewing your faith in yourself. This ‘renewed faith’ means finding the willingness to live with uncertainty, to feel your way through each day, to let your intuition guide you like a flashlight in the dark. It’s about standing firmly on your own two legs without the crutches you’ve been holding on to. So… What if, for today, you choose to believe that you have enough and you are enough, without anything more? What if, for today, you choose to believe that you are strong enough, wise enough, kind enough, and loved enough to take a step forward? What if, for today, you choose to accept people exactly as they are, and life exactly as it is? What if, as the sun sets on today, you choose to believe that the little bits of progress you made were more than enough for one day? And what if, tomorrow, you choose to believe it all over again? Practice making these choices. Practice letting go and renewing the faith you once had in yourself... _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. You can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there. 2. Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis. Don’t be one of them! 3. Remember, the vast majority of the results in your life—positive and negative alike—are the product of many small decisions made over time. 4. Don’t wish away any more time waiting for better times ahead. Just appreciate where you are and try again. If you faithfully take small steps day after day, one day you’ll look back with gratitude for how far you’ve come... _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

One of the most fearful things in life is failure. Failure can lead to doubt, doubt can lead to procrastination, and procrastination can lead to regret. I don't know about you, but if The Lord is clearly calling me to step out in faith, I need to start placing one foot in front of the other. I don’t want to be on my deathbed and look back having regret at missed opportunities. Today we will be looking at an opportunity that I would be forever grateful to have. The opportunity to walk alongside my Savior in a place that no one else would ever imagine. In Matthew 14: 22-29 we see a picture of the disciples in a boat on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus then shows himself to the disciples in a way that truly tests their faith. In verse 26 Matthew recalls the disciples as terrified to the point where they cried out in fear. If you've read this passage before it seems almost comical of the disciples to be unable to recognize their teacher. How many times in our lives has The Lord shown up and we've been unable to recognize Him? How many times has Jesus given you an opportunity, but you were unable to see it because you were 'too busy' with life? In our text, Jesus spoke to the terrified disciples "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." We see the very first thing Jesus spoke to the disciples was "Take Courage!" Jesus literally told them "Don’t be afraid." I pray that we truly take this text to heart. This is where stepping out in faith begins. While the disciples were in their boat being tossed by the waves and wind one disciple, Peter, took courage and replied to Jesus. Peter said, "Lord if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water." In one single word Jesus replied "Come." Peter then got down out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. This is such a beautiful picture of Peter's obedience and acknowledgment to Jesus. If you know this passage you know what happens next, but for one second can we focus on the trust that Peter had in Jesus? He was willing to do something that was deemed impossible. Peter accomplished the impossible by focusing on and trusting in Jesus. Think about the impossible things in your life right now. If you are able to focus fully on Jesus and step out of the boat like Peter, do you believe that with Jesus you could accomplish the impossible? You can! If Jesus can walk with Peter on water, He can walk with you in your darkest days. It all begins with a single step and before you can fall you have to take a step of faith. Today, I challenge you to become more aware of Jesus' presence in your everyday life. Our God is always chasing after us. He is always watching over us. Trust in Him and start to take that step of faith today. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

If you have watched the Olympics, maybe you’ve seen what happens at the end of many races, particularly track & field events. As the competitors near the finish line, they often look over their shoulders to see how they’re doing compared to the rest of the field. This is obviously helpful if you’re trying to win a race. But it’s a frustrating mistake to do the same thing in your daily life—look to your left and right to see how you stack up to those around you. Life unfolds in seasons. And comparing your life or accomplishments to someone else—especially someone who may be in a different season of life than you—can trick you into feeling like you’re falling behind, “chasing after the wind.” So, the question for today is: Where Am I? Here are five seasons of life. Identifying which season you’re currently in can release the anxiety of having more or doing more than your season requires. Foundation (0–20 years old): Being influenced by parents, peers, and pivotal circumstances Preparation (20-30): Gathering education and experiences, making initial choices in love and lifestyle Initiation (30–40): Learning your strengths and weaknesses as you expand your responsibility at work and home Domination (40–60): Applying yourself toward accomplishing God’s assignment for you Consolidation (60+): Narrowing in on your legacy, resolving hurt relationships TRY THIS TODAY Identify which one of the five seasons you are currently in. Then list the two or three people to whom you most often compare yourself (hint: consider work, family, and leisure). Are those people in the same season as you? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

I wonder when was the last time you opened a newspaper or tuned in to watch the news on TV. Whenever it was, I imagine that the first thing you read or watched was a story of tragedy, death or loss. The news is full of negative stories, whether there has been another terrorist attack or a natural disaster somewhere in the world. The news can be incredibly negative, and it often reminds us of the broken status of the world we live in. It is so clear that the world is not as it should be, and for many people this creates fear. Of course, the world we live in today is full of fear. When we interact with people, whether in school or work, it’s clear that many people are living in fear, whether it be the fear of rejection, ridicule, acceptance or death, the fear of exam results, identity, loneliness, or failure. The emerging generation is grappling with many fears, and the solution to this is truly a fearless generation. It is not just the church, but society as a whole, that needs a generation of young people to rise up with a fearless spirit, declaring that fear is a lie, that perfect love casts out fear, and that this perfect love is on offer to everyone, regardless of their past, background, or insecurities. Each generation has the responsibility of passing on the message of God’s mighty acts. Each generation since the time of Jesus has been entrusted with passing on the message of grace, truth, and hope, and this is as true today as any time in history. A fearless generation is one that chooses to stand firm in the face of fear and declare that there is no turning back, that their eyes are fixed on Jesus and that they will bring the message of Jesus’ grace and mercy into their world. When you go into your world today, take confidence in knowing that fear IS a lie, and that in Christ we can truly live a fearless life! _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

With the next generation in mind, here are a few things I wish someone told me when I was 18: 1. Commit yourself to making lots of little mistakes when you’re young. – Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing absolutely nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t indefinitely hesitate — don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it almost always ends up just the way it needs to be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever. 2. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter that much. When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And at times they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself. 3. Find work you appreciate doing. – If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice solely on other people’s ideas, goals and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding work you appreciate doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion and inner alignment. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So , if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it (or at least appreciating it), don’t stop. You’re on to something big! 4. Talk with lots of people in college and early on in your career. – Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for many employers (I eventually left all of the employers by choice on good terms, and started my own business), but I only interviewed with the very first few employer. The other employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of someone else (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball. 5. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel. So, respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give. 6. When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in a hundred difference directions. So, narrow your focus on learning fewer career related skills, and then truly master them. 7. Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means. 8. Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So, embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

In Greek mythology, when Achilles was a baby, it was foretold that he would die young. To prevent his death, his mother Thetis took Achilles to the River Styx, which was supposed to offer powers of invulnerability, and dipped his body into the water; however, as Thetis held Achilles by the heel, his heel was not washed over by the water of the magical river. Achilles grew up to be a man of war who survived many great battles. One day, a poisonous arrow shot at him was lodged in his heel, killing him shortly afterwards. Did you know that this is the backstory to this saying? I didn’t, I believed something completely different. It got me thinking about how many modern myths we believe and allow them to guide our thinking and decision making. How much conventional wisdom, do we allow to drown out the truth and wisdom of the Gospel. You need to earn my trust. Money is the root of all evil. To your own self be true. Do these sound familiar? I’m sure they do and there are many more that sound so good but they contradict the truth of the gospel. We believe them to our own peril. Truth is… Trust is given, not earned. The love of money is a root of evil. My own heart is deceptive and being true to it will only lead to trouble. I so often find myself having to make choices or decisions and my thoughts go towards conventional thinking and sounds something like this: ‘the answer is obvious’ or ‘I can handle this’ or ‘I’ll trust my gut’. Time and time again, when I look back, I have to admit that because of this way of thinking, there was an angle I missed, a possibility I did not consider or a truth that I ignored, often with bad or unhelpful consequences. I relied on my own understanding; I considered myself to be wise and became vulnerable. If I depend on what I know and understand, I am proud and vulnerable. Trusting in the Lord, considering His wisdom and thinking about what He wants in every decision I make is the only way to stay humble and it is there where I find grace (James 4:6). How much better would my marriage, relationships, parenting, finances, etc. be if this was the way I lived? _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Don’t just rant for a better world. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach. Today. And always. 7 HARD THINGS WE SHOULD START DOING FOR OTHERS —————————————————— 1. Start being a source of sincere support. 2. Start giving people your undivided attention. 3. Start respecting and supporting people who are different than you. 4. Start being willing to be wrong. 5. Start giving recognition and praise for the little things. 6. Start giving people the space to save face. 7. Start being a bit more gentle. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. The vast majority of what is stressing you out today probably won't matter a month from now. Shake it off, reset, and bring your attention back to what's truly important. Remember, what you focus on grows. Stop micromanaging your time and start better managing your focus, so you can move forward. 2. In life, goodbyes can be a gift. When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold on to them or pray to keep them present in your life. If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances, and opportunities are not a part of the next chapter in your life. It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different or something more, and life is making room. 3. Realize that life is simply a collection of little chances for happiness, each lived one moment at a time. That some time each day should be spent noticing the beauty in the space between the big events. That moments of dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, realize that life is about being present, watching and listening and working without a clock and without anticipation of results at every moment, and sometimes, on really good days, for letting these little moments fill your heart with gratitude. 4. Eventually you will end up where you need to be, doing the right things, alongside the right people. Patience is the key. And remember, patience is not about waiting, it is the ability to maintain a positive outlook while working diligently for what you believe in, step by step. The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind... YES, YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can tap into your inner strength and ultimately live better. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

Living a life that matters must be full of actually doing all sorts of things that matter. Doing things that matter doesn’t mean you have to create your own huge globe-spanning movement. No. Instead, it’s contributing to the largest, global-spanning movement in the history of the world! Finding ways to live and be the person that God has created you to be. This is not about following religious rules or law. This is about love! This is about loving God, loving life, loving others, and as a result, having a life that you actually choose to live. Tell yourself to Do things that matter. It’s funny how when you begin saying something like that, you’ll actually find yourself living a life that is full of life (John 10:10). Doing things that matter won’t happen by accident--they happen on purpose. Your story will become exactly what you lead it to become! If you want to have a life of watching TV and eating Cheetos, that will be your story. If you want to give your heart to anger, regret, or unforgiveness then that will be your story. If you want to give your best to chasing money or obsessing over sports, then that will be your story. If you want to cling to security measures that keep you grounded in the sea of sameness, that will be your story. But if you become a person who has a life full of doing things that matter then that will be your story. You only have one life to live, and no one is responsible for it but you. He calls us out of the mundane and mediocre and He beckons us to experience life to the full. What if you allowed the seemingly impossible to become possible? What if every day you made choices that caused you to live differently? What if you loved God and others with reckless abandon and a selfless heart?” What if you never allowed fear to stop you? If you pursue the journey to dream wildly, live differently, love recklessly, and lead courageously all for the glory of God you will discover a life that is well-lived. Don’t just do something—become someone! Wake up every day and choose to be who God has called you to be. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

1. “I will be too busy watering my own grass to notice if yours is greener.” 2. “I will stop focusing on how stressed I am and remember how blessed I am. Complaining won’t change my reality, but a positive attitude will.” 3. “I will remind myself that being positive does not mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two.” 4. “I will not get caught up in what could’ve been or should’ve been. I will look instead at the power and possibility of what is, right now.” 5. “When I find that I don’t have time for what matters, I will stop doing (and thinking about) things that don’t.” _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

What principles will transform your ordinary life into an extraordinary life—into a life of true significance? The principle foundational to all others is this: God measures significance by faithfulness, not by success. Faithfulness is one of those Christian words we throw around without precisely defining it. Faithfulness means consistently following God’s calling for your life and leaving the results to Him. Practically speaking, faithfulness looks like this: • A faithful worker continues to give their best for a boss who shows little appreciation. • A faithful husband continues to love his mate even when that love is unreturned. • A faithful parent continues to pray for her rebellious child who continues to harden his heart toward God. • A faithful pastor continues to preach God’s Word and minister in a church with declining attendance and critical leaders. We are called to be faithful servants of God and stewards of God’s truth and to leave the results to Him. This is not reserved for preachers and “professional” Christians but is for all who follow Jesus. Those who want to experience a life of significance value faithfulness in the small things of life until the moment they are caught up into heaven. To help test whether you are faithful in everyday activities, ask yourself these questions at the end of every day: • Did I tell and show my family that I love them? • Did I do my job honestly and to the best of my ability, giving my employer a full day’s work? • Did I demonstrate care and concern for my neighbors and my coworkers? • Did I express gratitude for the blessings in my life? • Did I take my anxieties to God and leave them with Him? • Did I keep my heart, mind, and body pure, confessing my sins when I failed? • Did I obey the Word of God? • Did I put others before myself? • Did I do to others what I would want them to do to me? • Did I try to glorify God in my thoughts, words, and actions? These questions can be applied to any walk of life—whether you are the president of the United States, a homemaker, a salesperson, or a student.

Life is just too short to waste on senseless negativity. So whatever you do, don't get stuck on the one little thing that ruins your day. Breathe and be grateful for what you have. Some of it is a blessing, and nothing lasts forever. The key is to practice changing your attitude about tough situations you can't immediately change. Doing so will help you shift your approach and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the problems and barriers that are outside of your control. Let’s be honest, we all have negative thought patterns we emotionally default to when times get tough. Patterns like people-pleasing, reacting with a victim mentality, succumbing to needless worry, wanting to spend more time with toxic people, or indulging in negative self-talk. It’s time to break up with the faulty patterns of thinking and behaving that are holding you back! Remind yourself that the most powerful weapon against stress is a healthy mind's ability to choose one thought over another. You need to train your mind to see the best of what you have right in front of you, so you can leverage it to make real progress again. There’s nothing wrong with being open about struggling with your faults, venting on occasion, or even complaining about others every now and then. But accept the fact that your thoughts and actions, especially the ones you tend to revisit daily, are the foundation you cast your future upon. For example, when you think about something repeatedly, you begin to personally identify with it, and your inner identity gradually becomes your outer reality. The bottom line is that, despite the real world challenges we all face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will ever have to personally overcome is your own mind. Let that sink in.

Have you ever listened to a sermon or sat in youth group and felt like the speaker was talking straight to you? God can use pastors and teachers to speak to you. God can use anyone to speak to you. This means, the people you allow into your life matter. Moses was one of the great leaders in the Bible. But he didn’t lead alone. Moses had several trusted friends and mentors that he invited to speak into his life. He had people he turned to for guidance and wisdom. One of these guys was his father-in-law, Jethro. Jethro was able to give encouragement to Moses and point out the good things he saw in him. He had permission to call Moses out and challenge him. Now, when it comes to wisdom from others, don’t always take it at face-value. Run it through the filters of Scripture and maybe get the advice of another person or two. Do you have godly people in your life speaking into you? If not, write down the name of one person who could do that for you. Invite them to speak into your life.

1. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride, it’s self-respect. Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you constantly surround yourself with negative people. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer. 2. Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU. 3. Perspective is everything. When faced with long check-out lines, traffic jams, or waiting an hour past your appointment time, you have two choices: You can get frustrated and enraged, or you can view it as life’s way of giving you a guilt-free breather from rushing, and spend that time daydreaming, conversing, or watching the clouds. The first choice will raise your blood pressure. The second choice will raise your consciousness. 4. Remember, ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of jeans you bought. What will matter is how you thought about yourself, how you lived, what you learned, and where you applied this knowledge.

If you want something in life, you also have to want the costs of getting it. You simply can’t have a destination without a journey. And a journey always has costs... So instead of only thinking about what you want, ask yourself: “What am I willing to give up to get it?” Or, for those inevitably hard days: “What is worth suffering for?” Seriously, think about it… If you want the six-pack abs, you have to want the sore muscles, the sweaty clothes, the morning or afternoon workouts, and the healthy meals. If you want the successful business, you have to also want the long days, the tough business decisions, and the possibility of failing a few times to learn what you need to know to succeed. And the same general philosophy holds true for HEALING any source of pain in your life – you have to want to WORK through the pain, step by step. Regardless of what you want the next chapter of your life to look like, you have to consistently DO things that support this idea. An idea, after all, isn’t going to do anything for you until you do something productive with it. In fact, as long as that great idea is just sitting around in your head, it’s doing far more harm than good. Your subconscious mind knows you’re procrastinating on something that’s important to you. The required work that you keep postponing causes stress, anxiety, fear, and usually more procrastination – a vicious cycle that continues to worsen until you interrupt it with positive ACTION. That's the brutal truth! The best action you can take right now, though, is changing how you THINK about the actions you need to take... And there is a path. The key is to understand that no matter what happens, or what challenges you face, you can choose your response, which dictates pretty much everything that happens next. Truly, the greatest weapon you have against pain, anxiety, negativity and stress is your ability to choose one present thought and action over another – to train your mind to make the best of what you’ve got in front of you, even when the journey is harder than you expected. Yes, YOU CAN change the way you think and respond to life! And once you do, you can master a new way to be.

Sometimes I catch myself staring at people – studying their mannerisms and expressions. I wonder what their story is. What are they searching for? What makes their heart beat with happiness, with sorrow, with fear, with longing? And then I ask myself, “What words might I write to inspire them, and to remind them that, even on the toughest of days, our hearts all beat for the same things?” So today I figured I’d share a few of these unfiltered words with you… 1. Too often we work hard to disown the parts of our lives that were painful, difficult, or sad. But just as we can’t rip chapters out of a book and expect the story to still make sense, we can't rip past chapters out of our lives and expect our lives to still make sense.Keep every chapter of your life intact, and keep on turning the pages. Sooner or later you’ll get to a page that brings it all together and you’ll suddenly understand why every page and chapter before it was needed. 2. In those frustrating moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before – one bearing a lesson you were sure you had already learned – remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is sometimes required to evolve and grow. 3. As you live and experience things, you must recognize what works and what doesn’t, what belongs and what doesn’t, and then let things go when you know you should. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because not everything is supposed to fit into your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were so you can become who you are... Allow yourself to see something new, and discover something new. Allow yourself to take up a lot of positive space in your own life. Allow yourself to think better today... The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind. In other words, you aren't responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns that these undesirable experiences create. YES, YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can ultimately live better.

Let’s start with the bitter truth: You will never be as good as you think you should be. And life will never be as easy as you expected. All of us are faced with the same reality. There will inevitably be times when we slip up and fail to meet our (unreasonable) expectations of ourselves. It’ll likely happen quite often too. And if we don’t embrace these slip-ups and failures as necessary lessons learned, we will gradually and unknowingly become self-conscious about everything we’re not doing and achieving according to planned. Honestly, it happens every day to the best of us—we hopelessly catch ourselves thinking about how we’re falling short. We worry that we haven’t made as much progress as we thought we would. We worry that we’ll never be as productive as we could be. And our worrying just leads to more senseless worrying. We worry that we don’t… have better-looking bodies get to the gym more often accomplish more of our goals etc. We worry that we should be doing… something better something more amazing all those amazing things the people on TV and social media are doing etc. And so, we’re left feeling guilty that we’re not as good as we should be—that we’re not doing the perfect thing at the perfect time, ever. The good news is that thoughts like these are natural, because the human mind isn’t perfect—it worries about things. But we can learn to catch and control these thoughts, so they don’t catch and control us. Letting Go of Our “Perfect Life” Fantasies To an extent, we all have this lavish idea in our heads about how our lives are supposed to be. We fantasize that we should be living a different and better life… A life without procrastination and failure A life with spectacular feats of success A life of travel and adventure A life with perfect friends, family, and partners etc. And through it all we’re supposed to be smiling too, right? Wrong! That’s not how life really works. At least not 24/7. The truth is, we are miraculously flawed human beings living miraculously flawed lives. And the “miraculous” part only transpires when we accept and make the best of what we have. Close your eyes and reflect on the present reality of your life, and whisper, “I am OK. Life is OK. I will let my present life situation be what it is, instead of what I think it should be, and I will make the best of it.” The key is to accept the fact that there’s no such thing as a perfect life. There’s no perfect thing you should have already accomplished, and no perfect sequence of things you should be accomplishing right now. There’s just this moment you’re living through and what you choose to do with it. And yes, disappointment with this moment, with yourself, and with others is often part of the picture—there’s no escaping this reality. But what will you choose to do… You can be disappointed in this moment and do nothing, or you can practice being satisfied with the opportunity to make the very best of it. Making the Best of Your Ordinary Life When you feel your “life isn’t good enough” anxiety rising, pause, close your eyes, and notice that you’re in the process of worrying about what you’re not doing, or what you haven’t yet achieved. Notice the feelings of disappointment you have with yourself and your life at the present moment. Accept these feelings of disappointment as a part of you, focus on them, and just allow yourself to feel them. As you focus, notice the emotional sensations of this feeling throughout your body. Open your eyes, turn your attention to the present moment: what are you doing right now? Put all of your awareness into this moment—be 100% present with the physical and emotional sensations of whatever you’re doing. Notice that the present moment is enough—enough for right now. It doesn’t need to be better. It doesn’t need to be anything more. It’s good enough already, in its own unique way. And so are you. Again, this is a practice—a life-changing daily ritual—and it’s not something any of us will ever be “perfect” at. We just remind ourselves often, and when we forget we remind ourselves again, and we begin again with our practice. One day at a time. We’re all in this one together. May this moment be as good as we collectively choose to make it. This Moment: Our Most Precious Resource Death is an unpredictable inevitability. Embracing this fact provides a renewed sense of awareness, to realize that we’ve lived a certain number of days, and the days ahead of us are not as guaranteed as the one we’re living through right now. When I think of this I am reminded that every day truly is an opportunity to be grateful for, not in a clichéd kind of way, but to honestly appreciate what we have here, and to admit that we alone are responsible for the quality of our present lives. This makes our self-respect and positive focus evermore important, right here, right now. It leaves no time to wallow in self-pity and self-doubt. The last thing any of us wants to do is die with regret, hence why respecting the reality of death puts life into perspective. It humbles us and should also deeply motivate us to lead our lives and make the best of it… Less criticizing and complaining. More acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment of this blessed yet often ordinary life. Love where you are right now. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.

Deep down you know it’s OK to... Say “no” Speak up Tell the truth Believe differently Change your mind Prioritize your needs Learn from your mistakes Embrace your imperfections Forgive and seek forgiveness Begin again, stronger than before Yet you often seek the exact opposite when life gets stressful and you’re under pressure. You do the wrong things even when you know better. The mind is indeed your battleground! Because it has so many little weaknesses. It becomes forgetful and insensible when it’s stressed. And the only way to conquer these weaknesses is to practice conquering them—to practice thinking better. What you need to remember is that the mind operates like a muscle, and just like every muscle in the human body, it needs to be exercised to gain and maintain strength. It needs to be trained daily to grow and develop gradually over time. If you haven’t pushed the mind in lots of little, positive ways over the course of time, of course it’ll crumble on the inevitable days that get overwhelmingly stressful. The most significant hidden benefit of exercising your mind and THINKING BETTER? Renewing your trust in yourself, so you can LIVE BETTER. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you—eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself. And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to renew your trust gradually, with small shifts in your thinking, small steps forward, and small victories. Of course, this process takes time, but it happens relatively fast if you stick to it. And it’s arguably one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself. Bottom line: The greatest conflict always resides in your mind first. You are what you think; you can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking. But the good news is YOU CAN change your thinking! And when you change the way you think, you can master a new way to be.

One of the most important things to remember when making plans – whether for your life or for the day – is to hold those plans loosely. There almost always will be a detour of some kind that means a change of direction, time, course – sometimes even cancelling the whole idea! This is because, while you are plotting the easiest way, GOD is planning the best way for working in you the faith and character He wants to develop. These detours are usually seen as inconveniences and irritants, but they’re actually blessings in disguise. Yes, His ways and thoughts are different, but they are always better and come from a place of indescribable love.

Why is it you can be around someone telling you personal things about themselves and yet you still feel outside their loop? Maybe it’s because there’s a chasm of difference between transparency and vulnerability. Transparency is choosing to disclose yourself to others but in ways you choose. You’re being open but you’re in control, with little intention of letting anyone in. Preachers have often been accused of this selective openness. In vulnerability, you not only tell the truth about you but also allow others in to help. You’re giving others permission to know the pain of your weakness, allowing them to care for you. You’re not only allowing yourself to come out of hiddenness, but you are also no longer pretending you can solve what you’ve revealed. The important point is not that something gets fixed, but that nothing ever has to be hidden.

Have you ever had a moment where you felt like you needed a break? I’m sure we all have. You just want to hop on a plane, or jump in a car and go somewhere far away. Everyone needs a break from time to time. There is so much going on in our individual lives and in the world around us; it can be overwhelming sometimes. How do you make the best of your sense of being overwhelmed? You simply Stop, Drop and Roll. STOP – Unnecessary activities, saying yes to things you should be saying no to, stop people pleasing and performing. These things drain us of our energy and spiritual power. When you find yourself doing any of these things ask yourself why. Ask yourself “What is it costing me to continue this way?” The world won’t burn up in a cloud of smoke if you go off the grid for a moment to gather yourself and refresh your spirit. It is necessary if you really want to get out of the cycle of being overwhelmed. DROP – Drop to your knees in prayer and repentance. Of course, you don’t need to literally get on your knees, but the posture of your heart should be humble submission to God. When you drop to your knees you also drop the false pretending that everything is okay. You drop your mask and the idea that you have it all together. Drop the things you are holding on to and connecting with that aren’t giving you life. You also drop the barriers blocking God from getting to you and you reaching Him. One of the biggest tricks of the enemy is to keep us stuck in activity mode so that we won’t find time to connect with God. There is power in dropping things. ROLL – Roll your cares over onto God. Give him all of your worries, fears, anxiety and frustration. We are prone to think that somehow if we hang onto things long enough we can magically find a way to fix them. Any problem that is not submitted to the lordship of Christ in us cannot be handled by him. We must be the one to hand over those things because he is not going to pry them out of our hands. God will allow us to hold on to things until we become tired and weary enough to let them go.

1. On an average day, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is. Adjust your response and all that extra stress is gone. Truly, inner calmness among chaos is a superpower that frees you to focus more effectively on the few things that actually matter. 2. If you worry too much about what might be, or what might have been, you will ignore and overlook what is. Remember this. Worrying is a misuse of your vast present potential, and your incredible creative energy. So do your best to focus mindfully on what's in front of you today. 3. Don't think outside the box. Think like there is no box. No holding back. Show up like you are blessed. Talk like you are blessed. Walk like you are blessed. Work like you are blessed. And you will be. 4. The most practical changes happen when you choose to take control of what you do have power over, instead of craving control of what you don’t. It’s about letting go. Remind yourself that you can’t always calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will eventually pass. 5. Forget popularity; focus on sincerity today. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it is what is right for you. Practice respecting yourself, caring for yourself, and becoming a reliable part of your own support system. Your response is always more powerful than your circumstance. A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Remember, the goal isn’t to get rid of all your painful thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances. That's impossible. The goal is to change your response to them.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Friendship is a rare and precious gift. Friendship can be hard and frustrating, and it will cost us time and energy. But friendship can be so good. It can be a source of incredible pleasure, encouragement, and comfort. Friendship is a priceless gift of God. But friendship is much more. We become, to a large extent, like our friends. This may not be true of acquaintances, but with our friends, we tend to become like them over the years. We tend to adopt their values, their attitudes, their convictions, and their interests. For good or ill, we will become like our friends. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). If friendship is so life shaping, how vital it is that we choose our friends wisely. How vital it is that our kids choose their friends wisely. What do you look for in a friend? What impresses you? Is it money? A charismatic personality? A great sense of humor? Unusual giftedness? These are not bad things, but they are not the traits you should look for in a friend. Rather, the Bible says to look for wise friends. Look for friends with godly wisdom, friends who understand what really matters in life. Look for friends who know God and walk with God. For God tells you that one day, you will become like the friends you choose.

DAILY NOTE TO SELF: Life is just too short to waste on senseless negativity. So whatever you do, don't get stuck on the one little thing that ruins your day. Breathe and be grateful for what you have. Some of it is a blessing, and nothing lasts forever. The key is to practice changing your attitude about tough situations you can't immediately change. Doing so will help you shift your approach and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the problems and barriers that are outside of your control. Let’s be honest, we all have negative thought patterns we emotionally default to when times get tough. Patterns like people-pleasing, reacting with a victim mentality, succumbing to needless worry, wanting to spend more time with toxic people, or indulging in negative self-talk. It’s time to break up with the faulty patterns of thinking and behaving that are holding you back! Remind yourself that the most powerful weapon against stress is a healthy mind's ability to choose one thought over another. You need to train your mind to see the best of what you have right in front of you, so you can leverage it to make real progress again. There’s nothing wrong with being open about struggling with your faults, venting on occasion, or even complaining about others every now and then. But accept the fact that your thoughts and actions, especially the ones you tend to revisit daily, are the foundation you cast your future upon. For example, when you think about something repeatedly, you begin to personally identify with it, and your inner identity gradually becomes your outer reality. The bottom line is that, despite the real world challenges we all face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will ever have to personally overcome is your own mind. Let that sink in. You aren't responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns these undesirable experiences create. YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can live better.

Sometimes, we use the excuse that God hasn’t told us what to do, so we don’t do anything. We just sit back and wait to hear from God what we should do with our future, what college we should go to, what career path to pursue, or what relationships are worth investing in. But, don’t just sit back and do nothing. While you’re waiting to hear from God on something like that, here’s what you have to know. God has already given you a clear direction on what you ought to do next. When Jesus first went out to choose the disciples, the call was always the same. He went to them and said, “Follow me”. In fact, twenty times throughout the Gospels Jesus says, “Follow me.” That’s what God is saying to you and me today. Just follow me. You might not know what God is asking you to do five years from now, but you can know what he wants you to do next. Just do that. And then do that again. And again. And again. What’s the next right thing you know you ought to do right now? Go and do it.

There is a solution for stress! When we are stressed, we often do not know what to do, and everything becomes chaotic. After God sets us free from stress through the grace and power of His Holy Spirit, we must learn to stay in His rest and peace and not fall back into a stressful lifestyle. As we surrender to the Lord and let Him work in our lives, there is no type of stress that can control us, and any adverse situation can be resolved with His supernatural power. His grace will be our strength, we will receive His wisdom, and everything will work together for good if we remain in His love. (See Romans 8:28.) Here now are some practical and spiritual tips to help you live stress-free as you continue to have faith in the finished work of Jesus on the cross, remain in God’s presence, and live by His grace. 1. Practice a Healthy Lifestyle Many times, stress accumulates because we do not take care of our physical, mental, and emotional health on a regular basis. To live free of stress, it is important to follow these foundational good practices: exercise regularly; eat a healthy, balanced diet; get enough sleep; stay active; and engage in activities that refresh your mind, such as a favorite hobby or sport. These are natural components of life that play an important role in the prevention and reduction of stress. 2. Keep Everything in Order Disorder is stressful. It does not allow you to think clearly, hinders creativity, lowers performance, and increases the time it takes to complete a task. This means that, where there’s disorder, everything requires more effort, time, and energy. Make a decision to start putting everything in good order in the various aspects of your life, including your family relationships and finances. 3. Disconnect from Your Daily Routine When we never disconnect from our routine, not even occasionally, we can fall into apathy or frustration. As our stress level rises and our creativity diminishes, we are pulled away from God’s purposes. However, when we take time for a change of pace, whether to explore a new idea or place, or take a refreshing break, our mind can be recharged and our attitudes can be renewed. 4. Give God Control If we give God control of our lives, He will take care of all our needs. What He has called us to do is actually His work, not ours! We must allow Him to take full charge. Many people fall prey to stress because they have not surrendered their will to God. While they struggle to maintain control of their lives, they continue to carry the heavy burden of their problems. Today, surrender your will to God, and see how He manifests His power! 5. Rest in God’s Peace We truly have a God of peace, so we do not need to live in a stressed-out state. Quite the opposite: we will have peace even in the middle of life’s storms. “We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). Let us follow the example of David, who, before a decisive battle, knew how to rest in God. That is why he declared, “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:37). Similarly, we can say, “The Lord has delivered me before, and I am ready to see how He will do it again.” 6. Let Go of All Burdens We need to learn to surrender all our burdens and anxiety to God. “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). No matter what burden is causing you stress, do not carry it any longer. Let it go, right now; give it to the Lord, because He will take special care of that situation. You need to let God deal with your financial problem, illness, past failings, lack of forgiveness, and so on. When we let go of our burdens, we can rest in God. 7. Do Not Worry About Tomorrow God’s Word urges us not to anticipate bad things happening to us: “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?”(Matthew 6:25). If you live stressed by something that causes you fear, that’s what you will attract. But if you live by faith, God’s blessings will come upon you. 8. Meditate on God and His Word We must meditate on the Word of God, the Bible, which shows us the way of truth and will guide our thoughts and life. To meditate is to slowly consider an idea—to ponder it, think about it, reflect on it, and mull it over in the mind. As we meditate on God’s Word, or His thoughts, we will become filled with Him, and everything in our life will change for the better. Meditating on the Word also makes it easier for us to hear the voice of God in our spirit. When we get used to meditating on God’s Word, the next thing that will come is revelation, or a deep understanding by the Spirit of the truths we are reading. Keep in mind that it is not enough just to meditate. We must remain in the Word on which we are meditating. This means that we must act in accordance with what it says. “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves” (James 1:22). 9. Seek Inner Healing and Deliverance If you find that after following the previous tips, you still cannot live free of stress, there may be a malignant spiritual influence at work from which you need to be freed. Look for a church that believes in the complete work of Jesus on the cross and ministers it. Jesus paid a high price for our freedom, and the work of the cross includes inner healing and deliverance. Sometimes we require the help of a mature believer who can minister to us and break the spiritual bondages that have come upon us and are hurting us, so that we can walk in the freedom of Christ. Today is the day the Lord wants to heal your heart and deliver you! He is waiting for you with open arms. 10. Maintain a Continuous Relationship with God Living without stress requires an ongoing relationship with God through Jesus Christ that includes prayer and reading the Word. If you have not yet recognized Jesus as your Lord and Savior, please say this prayer: Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that I am a sinner and that my sin separates me from You. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that You raised Him from the dead. I repent of all my sins and voluntarily confess Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I surrender every desire that is contrary to Your will. I renounce all worldly thinking and behavior. I ask Jesus to enter my heart and change my life. Amen!

During a recent hurricane storm, the following story circulated on the Internet: I once read about a farmer on the Atlantic seacoast who constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic because of the awful storms that wreaked havoc on the buildings and crops. One applicant for the job was a short, thin man, well past middle age. “Are you a good farm hand?” the farmer asked him. “Well, I can sleep when the wind blows,” answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well and kept busy from dawn to dusk. The farmer felt satisfied with the man’s work. Then one night the wind howled loudly from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed to the hired hand’s sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!” The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.” Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. He hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew. When you’re prepared for storms, spiritually, mentally, and practically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life? The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm. We secure ourselves against the storms of life by soaking ourselves with the Word of God, being obedient to it and then placing our faith and trust in God’s goodness. We don’t need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the midst of our storms. Today I will prepare myself practically, mentally and spiritually so that I can sleep and not fear when the storms blow in my life.

Mahouts (ancient elephant keepers) typically strap a thin metal chain to a grown elephant’s leg and then attach the other end to a small wooden peg that’s hammered into the ground. The 10-foot tall, 10,000-pound elephant could easily snap the chain, uproot the wooden peg and escape to freedom with minimal effort. But it doesn’t. In fact the elephant never even tries. The world’s most powerful land animal, which can uproot a tree as easily as you could break a toothpick, remains defeated by a small wooden peg and a flimsy chain. Why? Because when the elephant was a baby, its trainers used the exact same methods to domesticate it. A thin chain was strapped around its leg and the other end of the chain was tied to a wooden peg in the ground. At the time, the chain and peg were strong enough to restrain the baby elephant. When it tried to break away, the metal chain would pull it back. Sometimes, tempted by the world it could see in the distance, the elephant would pull harder. But the chain would not budge, and soon the baby elephant realized trying to escape was not possible. So it stopped trying. And now that the elephant is all grown up, it sees the chain and the peg and it remembers what it learned as a baby – the chain and peg are impossible to escape. Of course this is no longer true, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that the 200-pound baby is now a 10,000-pound powerhouse. The elephant’s self-limiting thoughts and beliefs prevail. If you think about it, we are all like elephants. We all have incredible power inside us. Certainly, we have our own chains and pegs – the self-limiting thoughts and beliefs that hold us back. Sometimes it’s a childhood experience or an old failure. Sometimes it’s something we were told when we were a little younger. The key thing to understand is this: We need to learn from the past, but be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed (as they constantly do). In other words, we have to learn to think better about the past and present, so we can ultimately live better from here on out. If you've been holding yourself back recently with your own version of a chain and peg, realize that the real battle is in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around. You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. You are not stuck! So don’t let your mind, or anyone else, try to convince you otherwise. Heal yourself and grow by refusing to settle for the way things have always been. Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-care and personal growth top priorities! Choose to think better about yourself, so you can live better in spite of the challenges you face.

“Why don’t you just get over it?” “Just let it go.” We’ve all heard some flavor of this advice before. And it passes the sniff test, to a certain extent. I mean, “time heals all wounds,” right? Well, yes... sort of. But wounds heal differently depending on how they’re treated. Left alone, a gash in your skin will leave a large scar and be vulnerable to injury again in the future. This is why we get stitches—it helps the wound heal in a way that limits the chance of re-injury down the road. Emotional wounds work the same way. Given enough time, most emotional pain will diminish—that’s true. But just “getting over it” leaves scars. In the emotional sense, scars equal baggage—baggage we carry with us into every aspect of our lives. These scars grow and accumulate until one day you wake up suffering from the “three un’s” (unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next). So let this be your wake-up call. Don’t just get over it... Go through it! Honestly, I understand the desire to “get over” difficult experiences rather than facing them. Revisiting painful memories and facing our demons is really, really hard. And we’re hard-wired to not cause ourselves pain. However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. And in addition to the scars, to ignore or downplay a wound puts you at risk for infection, emotionally as well as physically. Unresolved issues from the past take up residence in your mind and influence your decisions, your relationships, and your attitudes. They rob you of your happiness. Doing the hard thing now will be hard, yes. But it’s far better than the alternative. Now, to recap the three bad strategies for overcoming the “three un’s:” Just trying harder doesn’t work because effort without direction is not enough. Seeking to control things you cannot control leads to frustration and unhappiness. “Getting over it” may feel better at the moment, but it’s simply putting off the inevitable. These are the wrong ways to pursue peace and happiness. But I’m happy to tell you there is a better way... Truly, if life has ever hit you so hard you've wondered if you’d ever get out of the rut you’re in, you’re going to love this quick video: What if every time things went wrong you knew how to stay STRONG? How would your day-to-day life change if you ABSOLUTELY knew you were wiser because of your mistakes? How could you be a positive and powerful example for those you love (or lead), if you knew how to actually move through your pain instead of letting it shut you down?

“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.” — Violeta Parra It’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good. Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart. It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you. Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality. Remaining alone and hiding from the world won’t either, for endless, stagnant solitude will also break you with unhealthy nostalgia and yearning. You have to stand back up and put yourself out there again. Your heart is stronger than you realize. I’ve been there and I’ve seen heartbreak through to the other side. It takes time and patience. Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods – every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you cannot see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed. It’s so hard to give you advice when you’ve got a broken heart, but some words can heal, and this is my attempt to give you hope. You are stronger than you know! Please remember… The genuine, loving emotion that breaks your heart is oftentimes the same emotion that will heal it, gradually, over time. The person you liked or loved in the past, who treated you like dirt repeatedly, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but more headaches and heartache. You can mull it over and obsess and obsess about how things turned out – what you did wrong or should have done differently – but there’s no point. It will NOT change anything right now! Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to hold on to what’s not meant to stay. Seven letters. Two words. One saying. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in horrific pain, or it can free your heart and soul and lift an incredible weight off your shoulders. The saying is: It’s over! When you don’t get what you want, sometimes it’s necessary preparation, and other times it’s necessary protection. But the time is never wasted. It’s a step on your journey. Someday you’re going look back on this time in your life as such an important time of grieving and growing. You will see that you were in mourning and your heart was breaking, but your life was changing. Transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way. One of the hardest lessons to learn: You cannot change other people. Every interaction, rejection and heartbreaking lesson is an opportunity to change yourself only. Be determined to be positive. Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness from this point forward is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude. Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. And when you do decide to give someone a chance, do so because you’re truly better off with this person. Don’t do it just for the sake of not being alone. When someone rejects you it doesn’t mean you need to also reject yourself or think of yourself as less worthy. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever want you anymore. Remember that there are billions of people in the world and only ONE person has rejected you. And it only hurts so bad right now because, to you, that one person’s opinion represented the opinion of the whole world. But that’s not the truth. Sometimes it takes a broken heart to shake you awake and help you see that you are worth so much more than you were settling for. When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you. Anything that hurts you today only makes you stronger in the end. When all is said and done, grief is the price you pay for love. And it’s better to have loved, lost and learned, than to have never loved at all. A broken heart is just the growing pains necessary so that you can love more completely when the real thing comes along. You are human and the human heart breaks sometimes. Don’t fight it - fight through it! Give yourself a chance to love again, to feel again, and to live again. You are alive and here to risk your heart by putting it into something you believe in, as many times as it takes. If you avoid taking this chance, one thing is certain, you will make it safely to the end, feeling empty and unfulfilled. Don’t do that to yourself. You deserve better.

Too often we judge people too quickly, or too subjectively. We tell ourselves stories about them without thinking it through—our perceptions and biases get the best of us. I was reminded of this today “…I learned the hard way that a smile can hide so much—that when you look at a person you never know what their story is or what’s truly going on in their life. What we tell ourselves about others—what we think we know—is often far from the truth. And with that in mind, I’m sitting here reflecting on all the little things we have to stop assuming about other people, for their sake and ours… We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and greetings people give you, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary. We need to stop assuming that the people we love and respect won’t disappoint us. When we expect perfection we tend to overlook goodness. And the truth is, no one is perfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us, too. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we fall sometimes. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty darn good, despite our flaws. So treat the people you love accordingly—give them the space to be human. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they are lost. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond… and the daily rituals you choose to follow. Dealing with People Who Deeply Offend Us Some of the points above (like numbers 4 and 6 for example) potentially require a willingness to cordially deal with people who yell at us, interrupt us, cut us off in traffic, talk about terribly distasteful things, and so forth. These people violate the way we think people should behave. And sometimes their behavior deeply offends us. But if we let these people get to us, again and again, we will be upset and offended far too often. So what can we do? There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, but here are two strategies, Be bigger, think bigger. – Imagine a two-year-old who doesn’t get what she wants at this moment. She throws a temper tantrum! This small, momentary problem is enormous in her little mind because she lacks perspective on the situation. But as adults, we know better. We realize that there are dozens of other things that 2-year-old could do to be happy. Sure, that’s easy for us to say—we have a bigger perspective, right? But when someone offends us, we suddenly have a little perspective again—this small, momentary offense seems enormous, and it makes us want to scream. We throw the equivalent of a two-year-old’s temper tantrum. However, if we think bigger, we can see that this small thing matters very little in the grand scheme of things. It’s not worth our energy. So always remind yourself to be bigger, think bigger, and broaden your perspective. Mentally hug them and wish them better days. – This little trick can positively change the way we see people who offend us. Let’s say someone has just said something unpleasant to us. How dare they! Who do they think they are? They have no consideration for our feelings! But of course, with a heated reaction like this, we’re not having any consideration for their feelings either—they may be suffering inside in unimaginable ways. By remembering this, we can try to show them empathy, and realize that their behavior is likely driven by some kind of inner pain. They are being unpleasant as a coping mechanism for their pain. And so, mentally, we can give them a hug. We can have compassion for this broken person, because we all have been broken and in pain at some point too. We’re the same in many ways. Sometimes we need a hug, some extra compassion, and a little unexpected love. Try one of these strategies the next time someone offends you. And then smile and breathe, armed with the comforting knowledge that there’s no reason to let someone else’s behavior turn you into someone you aren’t.